I Ain't Mad at Ya

here's looking at YOU

2010 huh, that's it, done and done, i'm gonna list some things i learned this year and also some confessions, if you read these and think it relates to or is about you, it probably does and is, this isn't a cryptic puzzle. Here goes.

NEVER, under any circumstances chase a man or woman who says "i don't know", you know what, it's not worth it, just tell him/her to fuck off and live your life as before, you'll be a happier man/woman for it.

She's a liar, She's selfish, She's disloyal, She's not who you thought she was.

Sometimes your ex is better than the next, by a fucking country mile.

Men are stupid stupid creatures, don't think we are unaware of this.

I have been drinking way too much in the second half of this year.

I'm stronger than i was in 2009

I have five real friends, the rest are just people i know.

I don't care about many people's feelings, i'm selfish.

There are a lot of people out there too scared to be alone, so they settle for less than they're worth.

Some people couldn't see a priest on a mountain of salt.

She likes bad boys, sadly i'll never be one of them, so her and I will never be. (silently, i wait in anticipation that this changes)

2 women this year have made a difference in my life. One i'll always love, the other can kiss my ass.

your age does not determine your maturity, i now know for certain one 27 year old is a child.

I promised a mother to always keep her daughter smiling.

your attitude determines your altitude

i don't miss university.

i have a SPECIAL sense of humour and maybe one person in the entire world completely gets it.

everyone is an attention seeker in some respect, including me...even The Pope..yes i said it.

Life is on a knife edge, and it could be over before you know it, one wrong turn on your Sat-Nav and the next thing you'll see is another cars headlights by your face, live how you want to, not how everyone else thinks you should, tomorrow isn't promised.

i'd rather be alone than be undervalued.

Don't get mad at me, this is just what i've noticed about myself and those around me this year, in 365.25 days. I had my own trials this year, some changed my life forever, some changed other peoples lives forever, but isn't that what we're here for, to change, to evolve, to be better and do better than we're doing right now? Don't get mad at me, i ain't mad at you.

"good, better, best. 
Never let it rest. 
Until you're good is better 
and your better is best."

ladies and gentlemen, for the last time in twenty-ten...

Stay Up

(it's now June and i wrote this in December, why have i only just put this up??)

Better Than Good Enough

So i'm flicking through web-pages almost on auto-pilot, because i'm now sitting in my office bored outta my mind on a Friday night ( why am i still here?) and i'm reading my twitter timeline and @PurpleRamblings RT'd a link to http://www.christianarants.com/ and her post on "why we shouldn't overlook nice guys" from a woman's perspective of course.

As i'm reading through it, i'm nodding along in agreement "yup, that's true" "uh huh, you tell them girl" and i'm starting to notice my penis disappear that i know A LOT of women who display this behaviour for a variety of reasons explained on Christiana's blog.

Now what i started thinking of is the predicament some guys me are faced with sometimes in life, the nice guy, but the nice guy who knows all about the game, who know's the rules, who's broken the rules and who's set his own rules, is to not always be the one who get's chosen but who ends up being that dude who she'll refer to as "the one that got away"

And so, an epiphany, i noticed something about the game too and please correct me if i'm wrong here, women who are faced with that dude who's everything she's ever wanted, and is seemingly the perfect balance between Mr Nice and Mr Not So Nice do not know what to do with themselves when this dude walks into their lives.

And i'll break it down into a basic observation i've made.

1) she's not too sure what to expect from him, because, like Russian Roulette, this dude could go off at any moment.

2) he makes her feel almost weightless by the way he treats her, looks at her, kisses her, and she doesn't understand or welcome the feeling of not being in control of her emotions.

3) like all of us, when dealing with the unknown, she'll retreat, because "it's too good to be true"

Now is this the fault of Mr Balance that he's expanded his portfolio and thus become a man who struck the perfect, well, balance?

I wanna leave you with a question, more-so for the ladies, but fellas you can answer too. Are we as men doomed to be one or the other, and not six of one and half a dozen of the other?

Poem "Used To Be"

(One of a few new posts, a quick poem i wrote a long time ago after a bullshit situation i shoulda never got myself into, hope you enjoy)

Every now and then I get the feeling

seeing you again might be appealing. 

Then I realise I'm trippin,

Must be all this rum I'm sippin. 

Whether you were my wifey or my trifey.

I locked you off, rightly...so
Babygirl, you jus had to go.

Don't get caught up on this male

What I sell, isn't for sale

My one feeling...to buy, you failed. 

Coz my store is closed for refurbishment. 

The previous owner was a case of abandonment. 

Metal shutters are up, old mail piles up. 

Fuck all that, there is NO rewind, button. 

Free spirit now, you can't tell me nothin' 

Childish comments you can make,

even seems like you're half baked,  

Living in your life like a movie.

c'mon sweety, if i'd let you, again, you'd do me.

There is not cut and action

Just decisions and reactions

Apparently you can sell fire in hell.

Water to a well

Stop biting jay-z

You couldn't sell freedom in a cell.

Come at me with that dumb shit,

Please believe I don't give a shit 

Your feelings wrists I WILL slit 

Welcome to the part of me I keep in a gravel pit. 

Delete my number, my facebook and my twitter.

No one likes to see someone online and bitter.

i realise the irony in what i just said, 

like you realise the iron in you,

from giving me head.

Accept the fact you aren't for me, 

You'll never be a product of this satisfactory factory.

there is no time to make a bragain and plea

you just blew the once chance i gave you, with me.

Stay Up