19 January 2011

Thank You Please

Ok, so the other day i'm having a BB convo with a friend of mine, and she's telling me about this client she's working with, who's manners, or lack there of, are appalling. 
This got me thinking about our society, our culture, our sub-cultures even, the little microcosms within our lives that represent, what to us, is the majority. How do we treat one another and how much we've lost along the way?

As always i speak from my own experiences, so what i'm about to write represents me, and what MY ideal of respect and manners should be, so take from this blog post what you will.

Growing up with two sisters (one older, one younger) respect was always a priority in my household, growing up in Africa, a "please" and a "thank you" were already expected of you, of your family and of anyone you met in your daily life, it was so deeply routed in my culture, that anything contrary to that was alien to me.

Then i moved to the UK, and it was literally like visiting a new planet, where the natives spoke the same language as me, but seemingly, didn't understand how to communicate that language accordingly, respect and manners were lacking.

What has crept into our society though, is the slow, terminal, avoidable, illness that chivalry has contracted over time. Almost like a smoker who thinks they'll never get lung cancer, coz "that just won't happen to me". 

When did it become okay for guys to speak to girls the way they do? I see young teens now, and they say "oi lighty*, what you sayin" and it's like, is this the representation of manhood that our young teenage girls have to look forward to? whatever happened to "excuse me, my name is......and i noticed you and thought i'd come and introduce myself" instead of "so can man get your bb pin then?"
Let me break it down for those of you hard of understanding. The treatment you receive from others, is only given to you because you accept it, have a standard, and if a guy, or a girl, does not meet your criteria or that standard, then they are not worthy of your attention, simple. 
And if you allow them to call you "oi" or "lighty" then as someone once told me, "if you do not listen, you must feel" is what will happen, and that you will.
So you can take that to the bank and tell them Mike sent you.

Another thing, when did it become ok for girls to speak to their mothers the way they do? I cannot envision a scenario when raising my voice above my mother's will/has occured, when (even if i'm right) i will disrespect her, whether privately or publicly, because i know, she will not stand for it, ever. Like i mentioned in the previous paragraph, she has a standard, and i am expected for the rest of my mortal life, to maintain that standard, not only towards her, but to every woman i meet. I open doors for women, i say please and thank you for every and anything i ask for, or receive, i will offer to carry a woman's shopping bags for her, whilst also understanding the independence a woman has, but regardless of who she is, reverence and respect will be given, no question about it, and sadly, these things are foreign to guys who are only 5 years younger than me. Has our generation lost that much in the time it takes for a rapper to be famous and then not so famous anymore....hi Ja Rule.

Ok seriously.....what i'm getting at is this...being polite and respectful to anyone, especially strangers, goes a long, long way. Regardless of who they are or where they come from, it is always nice to be nice, because you never know, that man or that woman you're speaking to may change the course of your life. Whenever we meet someone new, on a personal level, our paths have crossed for a certain reason and if it so happens that that reason results in love or hate, in the end, what you will have left is pride, that we maintained our standards, and a lesson learned.

I understand i'm not perfect and sometimes i falter at some of the things i just wrote, but i try, and will continue to do so until i don't have to write a blog about it anymore.

"It is more important to be righteous, than be right" - Lauryn Noel Hill

so what do y'all think, where did we lose our way? Have we lost our way? What are your prerequisites for others and the way they speak to or treat you?

Stay Up

15 January 2011

What Men Want (pt 2)

So back in November i wrote about What Men Want and it got a good reaction from readers and bloggers alike.
Today i want to conclude what i should have done a month ago (procrastination, like cocaine, is a helluva drug) lol, so i'm gonna get into this, tell me if you feel me.

What Men Want pt.2

Any man who says this is not an important factor or need to satisfying him and his needs, is a liar, and if he's lying about that, then what else is he lying to you about?
As humans, not just men, we have an everlasting, innate desire to pro-create. Just so happens that as man has evolved and the world of sex has gone through it's own metamorphosis, so have we as males.
Men want not just sex from a woman they want to be with/are already with. They want to pushed to the boundaries of sexual desire, to please you and to be pleased. Tell us what you're into, this is what we want, and any real man will know, that if you make her happy sexually, you will harvest the benefits. Ladies, the saying "if you ain't doing your man right, he knows someone else that will" is around for a reason. Now i'm not saying do ANYTHING your man wants, although i'm not not saying it either, all i'm saying is pay attention to his physical desires, as a young philosopher once said:
"you be my nympho i'll be your nympho" simple, but effective, not to mention, absolutely true.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. find out what that means to US.
I have witnessed so many relationships fail due to lack of respect, a mutual lack of respect even.
Respect isn't something that you can just dish out all willy nilly, it is a privilege. Ladies, the quickest way to get your man to become that dude you warn all your girls about, is to become disrespectful to him, the life he chooses to live and his mama.
There is a simple mantra to take note of with us men, Give Respect, Gain Respect, like i said in the last post, we are simple, and we desire simple things.. The respect superhighway is but a mere millisecond away from a pile up on the M25 that backs you up for eight junctions. We want our woman to respect us, not fear us, there is a difference where some "wastemen" think that if your girl fears you, she respects you, there isn't enough cyber ink in my cyber pen to explain how wrong that is. So just remember, your man wants to be respected as a person, just as you do.
Give it, Gain it, Share it, Love it, Be it.

Ok, this one right here is a deal breaker if ever i've known one. As a man, there is nothing more undeniably alluring to us, than when your girl supports what you do. If she know's your heart is in the right place, and it's for the benefit of you and her, that support will carry over and is immeasurable.
Ladies, regardless of what your man does, of what his profession is, support him. The absolute last thing any of us wants, is to come home and have you bitching about how "we ain't shit." Lemme tell you something, the more you tell your main he ain't shit, the more he'll start looking for someone else to prove that YOU ain't shit, and as the line goes, there is always someone out there waiting to ask your man "can i upgrade you", then you'll be alone, and single, and crying on your bed, tear soaked pillows, for your "ain't shit" man...help your man build the foundations of the house you wish to share with him. Don't give him a sledge-hammer to destroy them.

Me Time
Ladies, you ever come home and your man is on that damn X-Box that you hate so much, he's fully engrossed in Black Ops, or FIFA or whatever you think he loves more than you? I'ma let you in on something here, the reason he loves those things, is because those things AREN'T you. 
Let me explain. to us, you are everything, the beginning and the end, Alpha and Omega, but what you aren't is a distraction and an outlet to stress. No real man will take his frustrations out on his girl, because if she's doing the aforementioned three things right, he'll have more sense than that. That's what "our time" is for, to just get away for an hour, maybe two, from the bullshit and the drama of everyday life that doesn't include you, so give him his time.
Again, it may seem ridiculous to want to play a video game with a stranger online, who's halfway around the world, but again, we're simple, and we desire simple things. give him his space every now and then.

Your Friends
This one isn't so much what we want, but it;s something we damn sure take a keen interest in. Who do you hang out with on the regular? Who's your best friend? Do you have any guy friends, and if so, how long have you known them, is there a history, and does he have a girlfriend?? For real, coz i tell you what, and this may hurt you sensitive types out there, some guys are not your friends, they're hangers-on, waiting for you to give them an opportunity to have sex with you, and i know some of y'all reading this are thinking "no way, not Kenny, he's so sweet" yea, him too, in fact, Kenny is the worst one.
Anyway, i digress...watch the company you keep, because a man notices these things, i personally look at who a girl surrounds herself with, because birds of a feather do flock together, regardless of how much you think you're different from your friends, there's a reason you're friends, and those reasons are your similarities.
If a sheep is part of a flock, it is not exempt from being eaten by the wolves, in other words, you are who you are seen with. sad but true.   

ok, that was a long post and my first one of 2011, i can feel my inner Dr Phil rejoicing inside as i type this. No for real, this is just my opinion on men, i'm one of them, so i should know. I can't give my opinion on women, because i haven't got a clue what you crazy ladies want.

More posts coming soon, i'm just a bit swamped at the moment.

"It's the simple things in life we forget"

as always, Stay Up
(for my new readers, here is why i write "Stay Up" as my sign off)