24 August 2010

The Permanence of Impermanence

So, i was going through some pictures on my facebook (a place where i want to be less and less these days) and i found an old picture i've seen hudreds of times before, this one:

that's me in the lime green and white vest

Then, like Ike did Tina in the limo, it hit me, i can't even remember that picture being taken, let alone who took the picture, comments on the picture lead me to think my cousin Mikka took it.
All i know is that it's a picture of my cousins and i in a time that the world forgot.

The impermanence of that time combined with the permanence of the photo got me thinking about how far everyone in that image has come.

We have three university graduates, one of which graduated from an Ivy League School, two fathers, a mother,  a personal trainer and a Big Brother Africa contestant, way before reality TV was even conceived or our accolades gained, this was our reality, it's sense of nostalgia, or lack there of for me, i was too young, is almost unnerving.

This was before iPods and flatscreen TV's, global terrorism, before Sky+ and
microwave meals.
This was Tevin Campell and cassette players, VHS and The Cosby Show, Coca-Cola On The Beat (you had to be there), when people were "courting" eachother, never hooking up.

As a child i unconsciously set aside the impermanence of life, living instead in an endless present. But as we grow up, we are torn from that present into something exquisitely more painful, that nothing stays still, however much we need it to.

What remains fixed, is this image, 20 years later.

I now find myself almost a stranger to the world that this image represents, an Africa that is so far removed from what it is today. As we change, the image stays still, set as a reminder of what once was.

But, that's the beauty of having such photographs, we were all once part of something.
Every tree has it's roots, I know everyone reading this has pictures we can't bare to look at, but laugh at uncontrollably when we see them. Some of the clothes my mother made me wear in the 90's are considered child abuse in the 21st Century, but would i have it any other way?........would you?

Conversely, there are some pictures we take with certain people we'd never have taken had we known they'd end up representing a sadder time in your life, but again, we live and we learn, documenting these pictures, serving as a reminder to never go back to that place.

Ok this is all getting a little long and i need to go shower, but do me a favour, do yourself a favour, break out those old, dusty, ring bound photo albums.

Look back at the afro's, the jheri curls, the curtains, the scrunchies and the beads,  the high fades and the braids and make yourself feel instantly better, and appreciate the journey you've travelled, and lived through all the trials and tribulations you've survived. Nothing is permanent, nothing except the moment in which those pictures capture.

"nothing is permanent in this wicked world..not even our troubles" 
Charlie Chaplin

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18 August 2010

Out of many, One People.

So, as my journey continues, my path to mental freedom from the past, as mentioned in the post before this one, today i spent some time with 2 of my best friends and their cousin.

Now, i haven't seen these guys in a while, for a variety of reasons, but we stay in touch, you know, just doing what friends do, living our own live's but always keeping eachother informed on what's happening in our lives.

I refrained from telling the about what i told you guys in my previous post, until today.

They both brought me back down to Earth, so to speak, letting me know that no matter how long we're away from eachother, when we all congregate once more, regardless of circumstance or endeavour, we got eachothers back.

So, that was my inspiration for this post, having a team of friends around you, a small team, that united you stand, united you fall. Nowadays i see alot of people wanting to have alot of friends, but not really having good, reliable, honest friends, there for eachother when the shit gets real.

Its funny coz today, before we all met i was listening to a song, and there's a lyric in it i wanna share with you guys:

"Nowadays, your circle should be small as hell,

Ain't trying to meet new faces, this don't interest me,

Even if we bubble slow, we get it eventually."

And that's when i put two & two "twogether" so to speak. I have my team, though it may be small, we stand strong, we stand proud, and we stand tall, and when one of us is down, the other two are there to hold them up, no matter what.

I'm not saying only have two friends, not at all, all i'm saying is be very aware of the company you keep, because when the load gets heavy, there are very few willing to carry the burden with you, those are the few you should have in your circle.

"Out of Many, We are One People"

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14 August 2010

you made it real for me.

hey guys, haven't been on here in what seems like forever, adjusting to this new, "non-student" life i guess.

going through some major changes right now, which is probably why i haven't been on here recently.

I wanna share something with you real quick coz, as you know, writing is my outlet for all things cerebral.

I recently decided to stop being in contact with someone, someone who i love, and someone who in the grand scheme of things, made my year.

How am i going to get rid of her? She's there, like an omnipresent being, even though she's hundreds of miles away from home, making a new life for herself, making a new love for herself, its the thought of not having her in my life, in the capacity of which i'd like her to be, that i'm finding the hardest thing, do i have to do this? Absolutely.

Its that ever-present question that we all find at more than one point in our lives:

How do I move on?

is there an answer to this question?
is there a formula to the solution?

Life has taught me that time is the greatest healer, but time is a slow bitch and she takes her own, well....time.

This a little crazy coz it's been less than two weeks since i decided to cut her out of my life, but it seems like it's been two years, i can't tell her how much i miss her, because i'd be breaking the promise i made to myself, to just let her live her life.

If any of you out there have recently left the life of someone who you love/loved, and you're finding this shit to much to deal with, stay strong, it only gets easier, you're not the only one going through it, and believe me, you will get through it, if not, start a blog and then you can moan about it just like me.

is all ever fair n love and war??

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