clarity.

ok, so we're back, well, i'm back. Haven't been around for the best part of a month, inbetween getting my dissertation to a respectable standard and having other assignments with our creative team (LMC) i haven't had much, or any time, to do the blog thing.

so i'm off for a week from uni, a much needed break, and i actually thought i'd have lots to say, well, i do, but not much makes good blog material.

Anyway, was reading this book call Don't Sweat The Small Stuff by Richard Carlson, awesome book, i recommend it.

So the book talks about living life and just being happy, to not worry so much about dissatisfaction and anger, and to just embrace what's good in your life. Offering different meditation methods along the way.

The title of the book is something i've said for years to people, i don't even know where or why i started saying it actually, but i liked it, didn't even really understand it to be honest.

the book got me thinking about some small stuff i always have. I always have coins in my pocket, and not just like 20p or 50p or whatever, i mean like £10, in coins, God knows how i gather all these coins, but they're pretty heavy sometimes, sometimes i actually worry about spending the coins, just so i don't have to have them in my pocket, buying things i don't need, mostly food really, but that's another story.

why am i talking about spending coins? coz sometimes, the little things in our life are the things we should care just a little bit less about. Something i've been trying to do of late, just letting go of the things that i have either no control over, or aren't really of importance when i think about it.

We all have bigger fish to fry in the grand scheme of things, right now, my fish is university, so i'm focussed on that, getting my degree, getting a job after that and just generally start living for me.

Along the way, i'll dissapoint some people, because i'm not sweating over their small stuff with them, and i'm ok with that, i wouldn't expect them to worry over my small stuff, like my coins.

Just try it for a while, see where it takes you, for me, i've been transported to a place of clarity, where it's all starting to break down and make a lot more sense, my moment of clarity if you will.

"May the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows"

feels good to be back on the blog.

much love.

(more blogs coming soon, i actually do have alot i wanna say)

live life proceed progress.

Today while on the train to Uni for the first time in 2010, as i sat there eating my Soho Club bagel from Bagel Factory, it hit me, this journey has become so mundane and habitual that i no longer look forward to coming to university. Is it the journey, is it that I've been in education for so long that i no longer feel motivated by it, is it my impatience to get going onto the next stage in my life and start building a career?

You know, back when I first started coming to uni, 3 years ago, all seemed new and important, all seemed exciting and i anticipated everyday to be a new discovery. I think as the time has passed by and people have come and gone, the one constant has always been the dreary campus i frequent now, rather than live at, as i did in my first 2 years.

The people here too, something has changed, we've all changed, for the better i believe. But as i now sit here in the library, taking a break from writing my dissertation with Kanye cheering me on, i'm forced to think about whether this is all worth it. I've always been someone who has to change with the times, to adapt to the maze when the cheese is moved.

Lately i've been thinking about who has moved my cheese and why they moved it. Right now i have no idea, i just know everything around me is becoming stale, and a lot of people i know seem to have not noticed that things around us have changed, for better and for worse, but i'm aware of this and i've gotta keep it moving, the cheese has now been taken away from me, i'll find it again, so off i go, on my travels once more, in search of that next thing, that next high, a high provided only by life.

I blogged once about habits and repetition, and how i refused to become one of the drones, seems like i need to take my own advice on this one. As the Jay-Z song goes, it's on to the next one, whatever it may be, if you're not rolling with me, you will be rolled over.

"i am suffocated and lost when i have not the bright feeling of progression"
Margaret Fuller

much love

to be or not to be

"that is the question, whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them?"

ok let's rewind. Today i was texting a friend of mine and asked her about maybe some inspiration for a topic for the blog, and within seconds, i got a reply, the topic she recommended was "should or shouldn't" and about having something you want right in front of you, but seemingly unable to have this thing, whatever it may be.

This got me thinking about when i was 17 and read Hamelt for the first time, and his soliloquy in Act3 Scene1 and how he ponders over his suicide. Now obviously i'm not talking about suicide here, but what i am talking about is the power we have to do certain things, but then almost ironically, through conscience, we take that power away from ourselves.

It's like this, we've all had those moments when we're faced with something that we're enamoured with, that we're seemingly suffocated by, the thought of you and that person or thing fills you with excitement, anxiously waiting, anticipating the outcome....but then, conscience strikes and all those external factors come tumbling down, a scenario looms, seemingly awash with complication and confusion, what do you do??

"Thus conscience does make cowards of us all"

I think that we tend to make things a lot more complicated than they should be, through fear of judgement by others, through lack of self belief, through self torture, whatever, it all boils down to the same thing, are we willing to make the decision we want, for us?

To understand that in life you have to be at least a little selfish for your own hapiness, that the faith we have in our friends and family is the same faith we wish for them to have in us, to appreciate and accept that all of us, at the end of the day, just want to be happy.

Life is all about choices, and sometimes the easiest ones are in their own right, the hardest one's too...in a way i'm glad nothing is ever black and white, coz that'd make life boring, and no-one likes boring, Shakespeare knew that a 110years ago when he wrote Hamlet, i'm only learning the true meaning 6years after reading it.

"if you don't ask, you don't get"

Mahatma Ghandi

much love