19 January 2011

Thank You Please

Ok, so the other day i'm having a BB convo with a friend of mine, and she's telling me about this client she's working with, who's manners, or lack there of, are appalling. 
This got me thinking about our society, our culture, our sub-cultures even, the little microcosms within our lives that represent, what to us, is the majority. How do we treat one another and how much we've lost along the way?

As always i speak from my own experiences, so what i'm about to write represents me, and what MY ideal of respect and manners should be, so take from this blog post what you will.

Growing up with two sisters (one older, one younger) respect was always a priority in my household, growing up in Africa, a "please" and a "thank you" were already expected of you, of your family and of anyone you met in your daily life, it was so deeply routed in my culture, that anything contrary to that was alien to me.

Then i moved to the UK, and it was literally like visiting a new planet, where the natives spoke the same language as me, but seemingly, didn't understand how to communicate that language accordingly, respect and manners were lacking.

What has crept into our society though, is the slow, terminal, avoidable, illness that chivalry has contracted over time. Almost like a smoker who thinks they'll never get lung cancer, coz "that just won't happen to me". 

When did it become okay for guys to speak to girls the way they do? I see young teens now, and they say "oi lighty*, what you sayin" and it's like, is this the representation of manhood that our young teenage girls have to look forward to? whatever happened to "excuse me, my name is......and i noticed you and thought i'd come and introduce myself" instead of "so can man get your bb pin then?"
Let me break it down for those of you hard of understanding. The treatment you receive from others, is only given to you because you accept it, have a standard, and if a guy, or a girl, does not meet your criteria or that standard, then they are not worthy of your attention, simple. 
And if you allow them to call you "oi" or "lighty" then as someone once told me, "if you do not listen, you must feel" is what will happen, and that you will.
So you can take that to the bank and tell them Mike sent you.

Another thing, when did it become ok for girls to speak to their mothers the way they do? I cannot envision a scenario when raising my voice above my mother's will/has occured, when (even if i'm right) i will disrespect her, whether privately or publicly, because i know, she will not stand for it, ever. Like i mentioned in the previous paragraph, she has a standard, and i am expected for the rest of my mortal life, to maintain that standard, not only towards her, but to every woman i meet. I open doors for women, i say please and thank you for every and anything i ask for, or receive, i will offer to carry a woman's shopping bags for her, whilst also understanding the independence a woman has, but regardless of who she is, reverence and respect will be given, no question about it, and sadly, these things are foreign to guys who are only 5 years younger than me. Has our generation lost that much in the time it takes for a rapper to be famous and then not so famous anymore....hi Ja Rule.

Ok seriously.....what i'm getting at is this...being polite and respectful to anyone, especially strangers, goes a long, long way. Regardless of who they are or where they come from, it is always nice to be nice, because you never know, that man or that woman you're speaking to may change the course of your life. Whenever we meet someone new, on a personal level, our paths have crossed for a certain reason and if it so happens that that reason results in love or hate, in the end, what you will have left is pride, that we maintained our standards, and a lesson learned.

I understand i'm not perfect and sometimes i falter at some of the things i just wrote, but i try, and will continue to do so until i don't have to write a blog about it anymore.

"It is more important to be righteous, than be right" - Lauryn Noel Hill

so what do y'all think, where did we lose our way? Have we lost our way? What are your prerequisites for others and the way they speak to or treat you?

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