6 March 2010

you are you.

I actually don't have a clue what I'm doing here, or what I want to write about, funny how sometimes there is simply nothing to share with the internet, but seemingly the internet is always sharing with you.

I've been feeling, for lack of better word, down, most of today, it's been a worryingly odd feeling, i gotta tell ya, i'm reaching a point here i'm gonna start eliminating things out of my life, no prior warnings are available to these things, or even people, it's just gonna happen, sorry, that's the way the cookie crumbles here at IDLT, expect the unexpected. My friend once told me, there are things you think will never happen to you in life, but when they do, you're gonna sit there and think, why me?

i think i'm starting to understand what she was talking about, over the last year or 2, a lot of repetitive things have been happening to me, the same shit, over and over again, the outcome, always the same, i see it, i know it's gonna happen, do i stop it, nope, i actively seek a different outcome..and then, it hits me, the thing i almost live my life by, "people will do what THEY want to, not what YOU want them to"..and so, i've become a victim of my own ignorance, sitting here in my bed, writing this, a moment of clarity has hit me, assisted by Boyz ii Men - doin just fine and i've realised, this too shall pass...and i will be fine, and get along very well, without you in my life.

so here it is, another IDLT moment of clarity, a time when reflection, and once more, my writing, has helped me understand, identify and rectify, some of my negative introvert tendencies .

there are a lot of things i am thankful for, my writing is one of them, the other is the ability to extract the irrelevant, unnecessary bullshit we all have.

do what you have to do, for you, because today you are you, this is truer than true, ther is no-one alive that is youer than you.

forget about what people who really can't affect your life directly think, forget about what they want you to do, do what YOU want to, be healthy doing it, be smart, be safe, remember that there is a consequence to your actions, to your words, but live in pride that you can take those consequences on the chin and keep moving, live in the pride, that when you have your kids, you can tell them you did the damn thing, you gave it your all, with everything and everyone that ever meant a little bit of something to you...

"so even though it gets heavy, the load we will carry, grin and bear it, win it and then share it"

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