ok, its 01:07 and i've been in a pretty shitty mood all weekend, i can't sleep and i'm sitting here listening to Anthony Hamilton 'pass me over' on repeat, which, by the way, is one of my favourite songs, ever.
So i've been layin here in my bed, just going through things, trying desperately to get myself to fall asleep.
Anyway, an odd question popped into my head, one i'm quite aware of, but one i don't actually have a definitive answer to.
What is it about older women that i'm attracted to?
Quick history lesson, all the women i've ever taken seriously, as in, invested time and emotion into, has been older than me, by a minimum of 2 years and a maximum of 9 years, with the exception of one girl who's a couple of years younger than me.
It's always been this way, even with those women i've had a "wam bam thank you mam" attitude towards, always older.
Whether a relative stranger or someone i've known previously, there is an aura about older women that i'm attracted to, whatever this supposed aura is, i'll never know, all i know is that it is something that attracts me like a moth to a flame.
As i've had substntial experience with said older women, lemme tell you, it does not come without it's fair share of negativity.
That negativity comes in the form of finding out the answer as to why she's single at this age, seemingly a beautiful woman with undeniable credentials, but yet, single.
That negativity comes in the form of being burned, badly. But that has it's benefit, after the heartbreak, depression, anger, acceptance, happiness cycle, the lesson learned is priceless.
This negativity comes in the form of having to admit "mama was right" when she told me to stay away from older women, because, as sad as it sounds, none of these relationships lasted, why? perhaps it has something to do with what an elder statesmen at my former job once told me "older women are never with a younger man for his sake"
Now i know what you're thinking, "why not try someone your age or younger?"
Believe me, i've tried, but i think because i've had invaluable lessons taught to me by my elders, so to speak, i find it very difficult to take seriously someone younger than me, and yes, no-one is more aware of the hypocrisy of this way of life than me, but it is what it is, i never said this life i live was fair.
Like i said, there is that one exception, she knows who she is, but sadly, she chose a different path, and i can live with that, i don't love her any less, because it's something i preach on this blog, live your own life, not the life others would have you live.
I'm not sure there's a point to this post, just thought i'd share, i'm in thinker mode at the moment.
Just wondering if anyone else out there has a certain trend they've noticed in their partners??
I guess like the song goes...
"if you catch me dreaming, please don't wake me 'til i'm done
just leave me sleeping, until the morning comes"