when patience turns into anger.

Nothing Remains

Most of the people who know me well may have never known me to get angry at anything, because rarely is there anything that i can say angers me, I live a calm existence, spiritually, mentally and physically, but here goes.


Tonight i realised that some people just don't give a fuck about anyone else but themselves, that the old saying "do unto others as they do unto you", is 
something I shall be putting into practice with immediate effect.


Today I realised that sometimes the people who you've long suspected to be selfish, actually are. Unashamedly so. I have learned a lot from my friends, they've been with me through some great times and through some not so great times, and those are the friends i want to keep. The ones of which i speak are those who shall learn what it is like to be ignored, to be shown that the way you treat others is the way you should expect to be treated.


For the longest time, with those that I actually care about, I've stayed in touch, a call or a text just to see how my friends are doing, as all friends should do. But when the reality of it all hits you, like a speeding train, it is sometimes not what you expect.
For me right now, in this moment of clarity, I am angry yet relieved I've come to know of their behaviour sooner rather than later.


I once wrote a piece of script for a 2min film I made about myself in my first year of university, the module was called "self branding" and in this video I wrote a line that I will use now...
"when my friends turn to foes, I shall become the one whom their mother warned them about"


To those reading this, if you feel this relates to you, then it probably does.
To those reading this that feel they're being treated similarly, by me or by anyone else, treat them accordingly.

"I'd rather be hated for something i am, 

than loved for something i am not"

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Do the math?

The motivation for most of my blogs comes from my own life, but sometimes other people’s lives are so much more interesting aren’t they?

This morning, on a beautiful summer morning in London, I was on my Blackberry Messenger talking to a friend of mine about her status, which just so happened to be unrelated to a little dilemma she has going on at the moment.

The dilemma I’m sure a lot of us have faced before, a dilemma with its own pros and cons, and I can kinda relate to it too in more ways than one.

My friend, who shall remain nameless, was telling me about how she met a guy in the city, and he’s everything you expect from a “city boy” he’ “arrogant, loaded, fucking gorgeous and makes me feel like Carrie Bradshaw”

Now I don’t proclaim to be the all-knowing guru when it comes to women, I know my fair share, but what I do know is that all women want to feel like Carrie Bradshaw, right?

Her dilemma begins here because the possibility of getting back together with her ex-boyfriend of 5 years is also on the cards. Her ex-boyfriend who she says is “the guy who knows me better than I know myself” “very safe” and “makes me feel more like Charlotte in SATC”

So here’s the situation she’s in, she’s currently giving the city boy a trial run, see where things go, who knows? But at the same time, there is the lingering possibility of her reigniting something she shared with another person for 5 years of her life.

This is where I got the impetus for this post, the familiar Vs the unknown.

Do you take the well beaten path, the one you know every curve and pebble on, the path which you walked everyday, back and forth for 5 years of your life, blissfully unaware that one day it would end?

Or, do you choose to walk a new path, the road less travelled by many, the road that has surprises in store for you that you might never know unless you take a chance, because we’re all afraid of change sometimes.

I’m a little biased here, I must confess, I am a cheerleader for the unknown, so keep that in mind.

I think, that when it comes to new opportunity, it should always be considered, even though old circumstance still looms. To feel safe and secure is a wonderful thing, it always is, but we all know of pivotal points in our life where we can look back on them and know that THAT was the moment I decided to change my life, that was the moment I decided to truly experience what life is about, finding new ways of living, new ways of expanding your love, your life, your mind.

So what would you do?

I wanna leave you with one of my favourite quotes, I think it applies here:

“if people aren’t multiplying you, they’re dividing you, if they’re not adding to you, they’re subtracting from you – do the math”

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One night in Brussels

so today I'm at work, normal day, I'm a little tired, but it's going alright because there are loads of things to do.

we had one of our maintenance guys come in, who I've never met before, lets call him Pete.

So Pete and i start talking and he's asking me what I studied at university, turns out he used to work for very big ad agencies in London as a copper print/press engineer, for those that don't know, that's how they "photoshopped" ads before computers.

Anyway, Pete starts telling us his life story about how he went to the army and what a great experience it was for him, the man is so intelligent it was almost scary.

But what struck me most was how he left the army after 3 years.

One night him and some colleagues went out in Brussels because that's where they were stationed, he didn't mention the town/city. So he says him and his mates were having a regular lads night out and they met some girls in the bar they were in, but Pete was interested in the waitress, so as the night goes on, he's speaking to her more and more, and after her shift, they all go out clubbing.

2 days after a long weekend just him and her, they're all at the port saying goodbye, when she asks Pete to stay another day, he agrees and tells his commanding officer he's staying another day and will be back the following day...this next part is where i got the motivation for this post.

Pete then tells us, he didn't go back the next day, in fact he didn't go back to the army, 12years later he was married with 2 kids and living in Belgium.

Now if you don't know, it's illegal to leave the army before your tour is over, and also before your 4 years minimum mandatory service is up.

Pete received a court martial when he got caught trying to renew his passport, he got fined £1800 and stripped of his rank and medals he received in the army. Funny thing is, Pete said he wouldn't change anything he did for the world.

Now that's where i thought, "that is how i'm gonna be, "no regrets", because sometimes, you just know that what lies before you, is far more important than what lies ahead of you, and you have to seize the day, as they say.

I think there's a lesson there, that from this short 10minute story that had our whole office captivated (you had to be there) there is always something worth sacrificing the life you live for, I'm not saying it has to be a man or woman, but just something you know deep down, is everything you've always wanted, it might even be right in front of you right now, grab it with both hands, because there is no time like the present.

Pete had so much to tell us and share with us, that we barely even noticed he'd been talking to us for a good hour and a half, all of the guys in my office are under 27, and after he left, all of us took different things away from his stories, but the one thing we all had for Pete was admiration.

which leads me to my status i had on my facebook first thing this morning,

"After i'm dead I'd rather have people ask 

why I have no monument than why I have one."

i think that right there, was meant for people like Pete...a man whom if i never see again, i will always ask why he has no monument.

Pete, a salute from Idontliketea.

Stay Up.

back on the blog

cheers to me, i made it through uni

hey people, long time no blog, been a while since i've been on here, mainly dues to the stresses of 3rd year uni.

Since my last post, i've completed my university education and can finally get round to seeiing all those people that i've neglected over the last couple of months or so, i promise to see everyone soon.

I gotta tell you, finishing uni and knowing that now i can do whatever i want with my life really, travel the world, sail the 7 seas, maybe even just get to doing all the sides of a rubik's cube, who knows?

This transitionary period has left me with a lot of time to sit and take a long hard look at my life and where it is, where it's been and where it will go, the "is" and "been" parts of my life, i can say i pretty much know what was and what is, so that's all good.

It's just this irritating "going" stage thats been bugging me of late. Right now i'm like one of those flame juggling circus acts, with all the flame handles in the air, not knowing which one is gonna come down first, which one i'll catch, which one will hit the ground and which one will burn my hand.

so i've been looking to those around me for guidance, for advice, books, movies, music, and the one recurring answer i keep finding is that, no-one knows, so i guess we'll just have to wait and see, obviously i'll blog about it, so you'll be in the loop, have no fear.

Okay, so in the last month and a half since my last post, a lot has changed, funny how things can change in a seemingly short period of time huh?

i've started writing poetry, some of which i one day wish to perform live in front of real people, and not just my mirror, or over the phone at 3am to crackheads alike.

i designed a tattoo for one of my oldest friends first born child, Brooklyn is baby boys name, i haven't seen him yet, but trusty facebook leads me to believe he is a bundle of love created by two great people whom i have much love and respect for, Congrats Lee and Sam.

i've been enjoying my smiles & cries, and i've been smiling more that i was a few months ago, not to mention the world cup is 3 weeks away, fingers crossed for the 3 lions.


Man, so much to enjoy and so much to learn from, so much to yearn for, so much burn for...
new blogs coming soon, will post up a poem or two in due course, but for now, as always...


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Smiles & Cries

The life and times of Idontliketea are that which everyone goes through, but there is always a little twist in my stories that when i tell people, i can just tell they're saying in their head "wow, better you than me"

i'm about 7 weeks from graduating from university, and alot is going on in my personal life, that at the beginning of the year i told myself i wouldn't get involved in and i would just focus on me.

But, the unknown is a wonderous thing, the unknown brings joy and pain, smiles and cries. We all go about our business, everyday, we have a plan, we have a schedule, we know what we will do today, that's OUR plan, the world has a whole different plan for us. How many times have you gotten home from your day at work, uni, wherever and just said "what a day" and said it only because things didn't go to plan?

Remember the movie Training Day, Ethan Hawkes character, officer Hoyt had no clue that his training day would end up the way it did, he anticipated his first day of training to become a detective.

Now, this is the joy of the unknown, sometimes we will meet people and go to places we never had the intention of meeting or seeing, and these are the moments of revelation to us.

These are the little points in life that will divert our paths far beyond what we ever had planned for our paths, the only thing we can guarantee is that the ride will be memorable, it might be long, it might be very brief, either way, we're strapped in and there's no looking back, the unknown is the ride at the theme park that we didn't even see when we got there, but it's the only ride we'll remember after we leave.

I recently got to talking about the unknown, and how in love especially, there is always the element of the unknown, but for me that is the best part, that you don't know what's going to happen, that you can't predict what will come of our actions, but personally, i'm happy to be on the journey, because some of the best things that have ever happened to me, only occured because i wasn't ready for them, all i had was my smiles and cries, and with the unknown...

"You gotta control your smiles and cries,

because thats all you have,

and nobody can take that away from you"

you have no control over anything else, only your smiles and cries, and god do i love those smiles and cries.

Stay Up

you might see me smiling, but.....

where to start is always the hardest part for me when it comes to my posts, regardless of circumstance, i've always found this the hardest bit in a lot of things i do, but once i get into it, there's no stopping me, which is kind of how my life is, how my love life is to be more exact.

You know when you meet someone and you don't really have any set agenda or intentions, you're just two people, two relative strangers even, just colliding in this life, both on your own distinct paths, that's kind of how i've become as i've grown up, just taking each person for who they are, and developing a bond, a friendship, a love, with that person.

You know how as that bond develops you start to notice those little quirks of theirs, seemingly personalised just for you, where you create something that neither of you can put your finger on, that "something" makes you wonder how you only met this person now, at this point in time, after all the drama and bullshit you've had to endure in your life, when this person has been there all along.

You know how it all comes crashing down when you realise just how much you don't want this person not in your life, so you think you'd do anything to keep them there, selfishly, even if in the smallest capacity. Because who else is gonna reply to those midnight texts, or those 3am drunken calls that make you laugh harder than you've ever laughed before. You know when you become like a piece of elastic with them, no matter how far you stretch it, it always comes back to the place it began.

You know how complicated the world is too right?, like how some things will never be as straight forward as you hope, that all the little tests in life sometimes become embodied in one person, that this complicated world is the reason you only met them now and not before.

You know when the elastic breaks, and you also just know that regardless of whichever method you choose to put it back together again, it just won't be the same, maybe you pulled too hard or not enough, maybe you knew all along that the two of you were just like the elastic, comprised of all this energy, if the elastic isn't being stretched, that energy is useless....so what do you do now, with half a piece of elastic?

see what i mean?, starting this blog i really didn't have a clue how i was going to get to where i wanted to be, but i like how this came out, just a short story on something that's happened far too often....i'm just gonna let this soak for a bit.

"there's never a right time to say goodbye"

Stay Up

you are you.

I actually don't have a clue what I'm doing here, or what I want to write about, funny how sometimes there is simply nothing to share with the internet, but seemingly the internet is always sharing with you.

I've been feeling, for lack of better word, down, most of today, it's been a worryingly odd feeling, i gotta tell ya, i'm reaching a point here i'm gonna start eliminating things out of my life, no prior warnings are available to these things, or even people, it's just gonna happen, sorry, that's the way the cookie crumbles here at IDLT, expect the unexpected. My friend once told me, there are things you think will never happen to you in life, but when they do, you're gonna sit there and think, why me?

i think i'm starting to understand what she was talking about, over the last year or 2, a lot of repetitive things have been happening to me, the same shit, over and over again, the outcome, always the same, i see it, i know it's gonna happen, do i stop it, nope, i actively seek a different outcome..and then, it hits me, the thing i almost live my life by, "people will do what THEY want to, not what YOU want them to"..and so, i've become a victim of my own ignorance, sitting here in my bed, writing this, a moment of clarity has hit me, assisted by Boyz ii Men - doin just fine and i've realised, this too shall pass...and i will be fine, and get along very well, without you in my life.

so here it is, another IDLT moment of clarity, a time when reflection, and once more, my writing, has helped me understand, identify and rectify, some of my negative introvert tendencies .

there are a lot of things i am thankful for, my writing is one of them, the other is the ability to extract the irrelevant, unnecessary bullshit we all have.

do what you have to do, for you, because today you are you, this is truer than true, ther is no-one alive that is youer than you.

forget about what people who really can't affect your life directly think, forget about what they want you to do, do what YOU want to, be healthy doing it, be smart, be safe, remember that there is a consequence to your actions, to your words, but live in pride that you can take those consequences on the chin and keep moving, live in the pride, that when you have your kids, you can tell them you did the damn thing, you gave it your all, with everything and everyone that ever meant a little bit of something to you...

"so even though it gets heavy, the load we will carry, grin and bear it, win it and then share it"

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