So Long, Farewell

Two years ago i started writing this blog, actually, a little more than two years ago now, and from my very first post up until my last post, it's been nothing but 100% me.

I'm at a point in my life now where i feel i need to start making some massive changes in my life, a wise man once said

"you have to be the change you want to see in the world"

well a wise man's speech writer, but you get what i mean.

Over the last two years or so, you guys have shared my joy and my pain, me finding love and me losing love, the subsequent heartbroken posts were a dark time for me too, but you guys rode out the storm with me. Thank You.

I've written material for the guys, and material for the girls, something for my mum and something for my sisters, an ode to the unknown and an ode to maybe baby's, and through it all you guys were ride or die.

Thank You

I'd like to take this time to also thank the people who read this blog, anyone who ever clicked on a facebook link or a tweet or randomly found themselves here via Google, i appreciate each and every one of you for taking the time to read the thoughts of a young man tryna find his way.

i'd like to name names but i don't think that would be fair, but if you're associated with me in any way where you've independently visited my blog, i wanna say thank you to you too.

So i'm packing my digital pen and my digital bags, and bidding farewell to Idontliketea2, it's been fun, i've enjoyed each and every minute i've spent writing this blog, goodbye and good luck.

Remember to always, no matter how hard the rain falls, to Stay Up

My name is Michael Fisher and it has been a pleasure.

I Ain't Mad at Ya

here's looking at YOU

2010 huh, that's it, done and done, i'm gonna list some things i learned this year and also some confessions, if you read these and think it relates to or is about you, it probably does and is, this isn't a cryptic puzzle. Here goes.

NEVER, under any circumstances chase a man or woman who says "i don't know", you know what, it's not worth it, just tell him/her to fuck off and live your life as before, you'll be a happier man/woman for it.

She's a liar, She's selfish, She's disloyal, She's not who you thought she was.

Sometimes your ex is better than the next, by a fucking country mile.

Men are stupid stupid creatures, don't think we are unaware of this.

I have been drinking way too much in the second half of this year.

I'm stronger than i was in 2009

I have five real friends, the rest are just people i know.

I don't care about many people's feelings, i'm selfish.

There are a lot of people out there too scared to be alone, so they settle for less than they're worth.

Some people couldn't see a priest on a mountain of salt.

She likes bad boys, sadly i'll never be one of them, so her and I will never be. (silently, i wait in anticipation that this changes)

2 women this year have made a difference in my life. One i'll always love, the other can kiss my ass.

your age does not determine your maturity, i now know for certain one 27 year old is a child.

I promised a mother to always keep her daughter smiling.

your attitude determines your altitude

i don't miss university.

i have a SPECIAL sense of humour and maybe one person in the entire world completely gets it.

everyone is an attention seeker in some respect, including me...even The Pope..yes i said it.

Life is on a knife edge, and it could be over before you know it, one wrong turn on your Sat-Nav and the next thing you'll see is another cars headlights by your face, live how you want to, not how everyone else thinks you should, tomorrow isn't promised.

i'd rather be alone than be undervalued.

Don't get mad at me, this is just what i've noticed about myself and those around me this year, in 365.25 days. I had my own trials this year, some changed my life forever, some changed other peoples lives forever, but isn't that what we're here for, to change, to evolve, to be better and do better than we're doing right now? Don't get mad at me, i ain't mad at you.

"good, better, best. 
Never let it rest. 
Until you're good is better 
and your better is best."

ladies and gentlemen, for the last time in twenty-ten...

Stay Up

(it's now June and i wrote this in December, why have i only just put this up??)

Better Than Good Enough

So i'm flicking through web-pages almost on auto-pilot, because i'm now sitting in my office bored outta my mind on a Friday night ( why am i still here?) and i'm reading my twitter timeline and @PurpleRamblings RT'd a link to http://www.christianarants.com/ and her post on "why we shouldn't overlook nice guys" from a woman's perspective of course.

As i'm reading through it, i'm nodding along in agreement "yup, that's true" "uh huh, you tell them girl" and i'm starting to notice my penis disappear that i know A LOT of women who display this behaviour for a variety of reasons explained on Christiana's blog.

Now what i started thinking of is the predicament some guys me are faced with sometimes in life, the nice guy, but the nice guy who knows all about the game, who know's the rules, who's broken the rules and who's set his own rules, is to not always be the one who get's chosen but who ends up being that dude who she'll refer to as "the one that got away"

And so, an epiphany, i noticed something about the game too and please correct me if i'm wrong here, women who are faced with that dude who's everything she's ever wanted, and is seemingly the perfect balance between Mr Nice and Mr Not So Nice do not know what to do with themselves when this dude walks into their lives.

And i'll break it down into a basic observation i've made.

1) she's not too sure what to expect from him, because, like Russian Roulette, this dude could go off at any moment.

2) he makes her feel almost weightless by the way he treats her, looks at her, kisses her, and she doesn't understand or welcome the feeling of not being in control of her emotions.

3) like all of us, when dealing with the unknown, she'll retreat, because "it's too good to be true"

Now is this the fault of Mr Balance that he's expanded his portfolio and thus become a man who struck the perfect, well, balance?

I wanna leave you with a question, more-so for the ladies, but fellas you can answer too. Are we as men doomed to be one or the other, and not six of one and half a dozen of the other?

Poem "Used To Be"

(One of a few new posts, a quick poem i wrote a long time ago after a bullshit situation i shoulda never got myself into, hope you enjoy)

Every now and then I get the feeling

seeing you again might be appealing. 

Then I realise I'm trippin,

Must be all this rum I'm sippin. 

Whether you were my wifey or my trifey.

I locked you off, rightly...so
Babygirl, you jus had to go.

Don't get caught up on this male

What I sell, isn't for sale

My one feeling...to buy, you failed. 

Coz my store is closed for refurbishment. 

The previous owner was a case of abandonment. 

Metal shutters are up, old mail piles up. 

Fuck all that, there is NO rewind, button. 

Free spirit now, you can't tell me nothin' 

Childish comments you can make,

even seems like you're half baked,  

Living in your life like a movie.

c'mon sweety, if i'd let you, again, you'd do me.

There is not cut and action

Just decisions and reactions

Apparently you can sell fire in hell.

Water to a well

Stop biting jay-z

You couldn't sell freedom in a cell.

Come at me with that dumb shit,

Please believe I don't give a shit 

Your feelings wrists I WILL slit 

Welcome to the part of me I keep in a gravel pit. 

Delete my number, my facebook and my twitter.

No one likes to see someone online and bitter.

i realise the irony in what i just said, 

like you realise the iron in you,

from giving me head.

Accept the fact you aren't for me, 

You'll never be a product of this satisfactory factory.

there is no time to make a bragain and plea

you just blew the once chance i gave you, with me.

Stay Up

Winning

So, i've been away from here for a while, who knows why, i always say i'ma be blogging more, or more often, but then this thing called life gets in the way and fucks up my rotation, apologies for that.

Today i'ma speak on couple of things, so just stick with me on this one.

I've been thinking more and more about this Charlie Sheen circus that the media seems to be feasting off of.

But, the more i watch it, and the more i see his interviews, the more i think to myself "what's the big deal, just let the man live." And then i had my moment of clarity while reading comments on youtube about his behaviour in the interview, and this moment of enlightenment kinda related to something i read once:

"if you don't accept their money, they can't tell you what to do"

Now obviously this does refer to money as an actual, tangible thing, that if someone gives you, they feel this power or this "right" that because they've given you something financially valuable, they can tell you where to go, what time to be there and what the consequences are if you don't go.

But then i started thinking about the broader meaning of the quote, like if someone you know gives you something, something that helps you in your life, they then start to behave as if you now owe them something, and if you cannot pay them back in some sort of way then you should do with that thing what they say you should, and i have two words for this kind of thing "fuck that"

As someone who's had a job since he was old enough to have one, having my own things and spending my money the way i want to has always been something i've taken pride in. Of course my job telling me what to do AT work is fine, but i'll be damned if an individual person who doesn't put food on my table can tell me what to do with my life.

Going back to Charlie Sheen real quick, the reason i think what he's doing isn't as bad as the Picasso's in the media would have you think, is because the man isn't doing what CBS wants him to do, he's saying "fuck you, fuck your show, fuck your money, how i live has nothing to do with you, i get shit done at work, the moment i walk out of those doors, you are no longer in control" and i totally agree with that, i understand what it feels like to be almost imprisoned or trapped by your employer, where because you rely on their money to live, you allow them to take the absolute piss out of your life....until you decide you've had enough, sadly CBS seems to think Charlie hasn't had enough and he still owe's them.

Dave Chappelle walked away from his show, from $50million, from the fame, from the control which Comedy Central wanted to have over him, and he personifies that quote up there, but yet, people still think he has the problem, watch this video and this video and tell me who has the bigger problem, Dave, or the people who think he's insane.

We all have a choice, to be who we want to be, not what someone paying us wants us to be, the only difference is some people have the courage to choose themselves over their bank balance, to choose their life over colouring within the lines society has indoctrinated in us since childhood.

I'm not tryna tell anyone reading this to quit their job and go and live in a hut in the forest, because i understand we all have responsibilities, all i'm saying is try to maintain your life and the power to live it your way. Do what you do, love what you do, as long as you do you.

"i always get in trouble for being honest"

- Charlie Sheen

There Are No Refunds

Howdy peeps, been a while huh? hope this finds you all in a good place.

OK, so i know it's been a month since my last blog post, but i've been pretty busy, but now i've finally got some time off work and time to write again.

So the other day, i'm having a group discussion with some good people, about a situation that has become more than it should have ever been.

We're all sitting there giving reasons and explanations to why it has transpired this way, why there has been the ultimate sin commited between humans, miscommunication. Throughout the convo, i'm sitting there and listening, absorbing, soaking in all the opinions in the room, because all of the opinions were respected and appreciated.

Then i started thinking about myself, my actions, my re-actions, to things that have arisen, and it hit me, in life there are no refunds, no receipts, no return policies for the decisions we make. And that's where i've realised how accepting i am of that and how other people choose to ignore and disregard that big ass red sign behind the "life decisions" counter that says "NO REFUNDS"

There was a time when i'd torture myself over the thing's i'd said or done, where i'd always want to undo and take back what i said, but then as i've become more self aware and self secure i've realised, that i will never take anything i say or do back, if it is something i meant or something i felt in that moment and it was honest, then please believe i'm not taking anything back to that Life Decisions counter.

I understand that it can be cold, it can be insensitive, and for that i am occasionally apologetic, but to apologise for my actions and for my words is to apologise for me being me and i'll be damned if i ever have to do so for the sake of other people who haven't read the terms and conditions attached to being an adult.

Here's what i'm getting at: In this life or the next, we will all substantiate that what other people feel, or say has NOTHING to do with what we feel or say about us. You know what i mean?

We can all sit there and play the blame game, but don't point the finger at the truth, the truth didn't ask to be blamed, it didn't ask to be made the scapegoat, and the reason it doesn't ask for these things is because the truth knows, that those pointing fingers at it already have three fingers pointing right back at them.

This moment of clarity came directly from that conversation, directly from a situation that has spawned into a beanstalk seemingly overnight, my name is not Jack, and i don't plant magic beans, I'm not responsible for what other people say or do, i am responsible for me, and i will defend my actions 'til the death, because i've stayed true, make sure you do too.

"If you don't like my words, don't listen. 

If you don't like my appearance, don't look. 

If you don't like my actions, turn your head; 

It's as simple as that"

Stay Up

Thank You Please

Ok, so the other day i'm having a BB convo with a friend of mine, and she's telling me about this client she's working with, who's manners, or lack there of, are appalling. 

This got me thinking about our society, our culture, our sub-cultures even, the little microcosms within our lives that represent, what to us, is the majority. How do we treat one another and how much we've lost along the way?

As always i speak from my own experiences, so what i'm about to write represents me, and what MY ideal of respect and manners should be, so take from this blog post what you will.

Growing up with two sisters (one older, one younger) respect was always a priority in my household, growing up in Africa, a "please" and a "thank you" were already expected of you, of your family and of anyone you met in your daily life, it was so deeply routed in my culture, that anything contrary to that was alien to me.

Then i moved to the UK, and it was literally like visiting a new planet, where the natives spoke the same language as me, but seemingly, didn't understand how to communicate that language accordingly, respect and manners were lacking.

What has crept into our society though, is the slow, terminal, avoidable, illness that chivalry has contracted over time. Almost like a smoker who thinks they'll never get lung cancer, coz "that just won't happen to me". 

When did it become okay for guys to speak to girls the way they do? I see young teens now, and they say "oi lighty*, what you sayin" and it's like, is this the representation of manhood that our young teenage girls have to look forward to? whatever happened to "excuse me, my name is......and i noticed you and thought i'd come and introduce myself" instead of "so can man get your bb pin then?"

Let me break it down for those of you hard of understanding. The treatment you receive from others, is only given to you because you accept it, have a standard, and if a guy, or a girl, does not meet your criteria or that standard, then they are not worthy of your attention, simple. 

And if you allow them to call you "oi" or "lighty" then as someone once told me, "if you do not listen, you must feel" is what will happen, and that you will.

So you can take that to the bank and tell them Mike sent you.

Another thing, when did it become ok for girls to speak to their mothers the way they do? I cannot envision a scenario when raising my voice above my mother's will/has occured, when (even if i'm right) i will disrespect her, whether privately or publicly, because i know, she will not stand for it, ever. Like i mentioned in the previous paragraph, she has a standard, and i am expected for the rest of my mortal life, to maintain that standard, not only towards her, but to every woman i meet. I open doors for women, i say please and thank you for every and anything i ask for, or receive, i will offer to carry a woman's shopping bags for her, whilst also understanding the independence a woman has, but regardless of who she is, reverence and respect will be given, no question about it, and sadly, these things are foreign to guys who are only 5 years younger than me. Has our generation lost that much in the time it takes for a rapper to be famous and then not so famous anymore....hi Ja Rule.

Ok seriously.....what i'm getting at is this...being polite and respectful to anyone, especially strangers, goes a long, long way. Regardless of who they are or where they come from, it is always nice to be nice, because you never know, that man or that woman you're speaking to may change the course of your life. Whenever we meet someone new, on a personal level, our paths have crossed for a certain reason and if it so happens that that reason results in love or hate, in the end, what you will have left is pride, that we maintained our standards, and a lesson learned.

I understand i'm not perfect and sometimes i falter at some of the things i just wrote, but i try, and will continue to do so until i don't have to write a blog about it anymore.

"It is more important to be righteous, than be right" - Lauryn Noel Hill

so what do y'all think, where did we lose our way? Have we lost our way? What are your prerequisites for others and the way they speak to or treat you?

Stay Up

What Men Want (pt 2)

So back in November i wrote about What Men Want and it got a good reaction from readers and bloggers alike.

Today i want to conclude what i should have done a month ago (procrastination, like cocaine, is a helluva drug) lol, so i'm gonna get into this, tell me if you feel me.

What Men Want pt.2

Sex

Any man who says this is not an important factor or need to satisfying him and his needs, is a liar, and if he's lying about that, then what else is he lying to you about?

As humans, not just men, we have an everlasting, innate desire to pro-create. Just so happens that as man has evolved and the world of sex has gone through it's own metamorphosis, so have we as males.

Men want not just sex from a woman they want to be with/are already with. They want to pushed to the boundaries of sexual desire, to please you and to be pleased. Tell us what you're into, this is what we want, and any real man will know, that if you make her happy sexually, you will harvest the benefits. Ladies, the saying "if you ain't doing your man right, he knows someone else that will" is around for a reason. Now i'm not saying do ANYTHING your man wants, although i'm not not saying it either, all i'm saying is pay attention to his physical desires, as a young philosopher once said:

"you be my nympho i'll be your nympho" simple, but effective, not to mention, absolutely true.

Respect.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. find out what that means to US.

I have witnessed so many relationships fail due to lack of respect, a mutual lack of respect even.

Respect isn't something that you can just dish out all willy nilly, it is a privilege. Ladies, the quickest way to get your man to become that dude you warn all your girls about, is to become disrespectful to him, the life he chooses to live and his mama.

There is a simple mantra to take note of with us men, Give Respect, Gain Respect, like i said in the last post, we are simple, and we desire simple things.. The respect superhighway is but a mere millisecond away from a pile up on the M25 that backs you up for eight junctions. We want our woman to respect us, not fear us, there is a difference where some "wastemen" think that if your girl fears you, she respects you, there isn't enough cyber ink in my cyber pen to explain how wrong that is. So just remember, your man wants to be respected as a person, just as you do.

Give it, Gain it, Share it, Love it, Be it.

Support

Ok, this one right here is a deal breaker if ever i've known one. As a man, there is nothing more undeniably alluring to us, than when your girl supports what you do. If she know's your heart is in the right place, and it's for the benefit of you and her, that support will carry over and is immeasurable.

Ladies, regardless of what your man does, of what his profession is, support him. The absolute last thing any of us wants, is to come home and have you bitching about how "we ain't shit." Lemme tell you something, the more you tell your main he ain't shit, the more he'll start looking for someone else to prove that YOU ain't shit, and as the line goes, there is always someone out there waiting to ask your man "can i upgrade you", then you'll be alone, and single, and crying on your bed, tear soaked pillows, for your "ain't shit" man...help your man build the foundations of the house you wish to share with him. Don't give him a sledge-hammer to destroy them.

Me Time

Ladies, you ever come home and your man is on that damn X-Box that you hate so much, he's fully engrossed in Black Ops, or FIFA or whatever you think he loves more than you? I'ma let you in on something here, the reason he loves those things, is because those things AREN'T you. 

Let me explain. to us, you are everything, the beginning and the end, Alpha and Omega, but what you aren't is a distraction and an outlet to stress. No real man will take his frustrations out on his girl, because if she's doing the aforementioned three things right, he'll have more sense than that. That's what "our time" is for, to just get away for an hour, maybe two, from the bullshit and the drama of everyday life that doesn't include you, so give him his time.

Again, it may seem ridiculous to want to play a video game with a stranger online, who's halfway around the world, but again, we're simple, and we desire simple things. give him his space every now and then.

Your Friends

This one isn't so much what we want, but it;s something we damn sure take a keen interest in. Who do you hang out with on the regular? Who's your best friend? Do you have any guy friends, and if so, how long have you known them, is there a history, and does he have a girlfriend?? For real, coz i tell you what, and this may hurt you sensitive types out there, some guys are not your friends, they're hangers-on, waiting for you to give them an opportunity to have sex with you, and i know some of y'all reading this are thinking "no way, not Kenny, he's so sweet" yea, him too, in fact, Kenny is the worst one.

Anyway, i digress...watch the company you keep, because a man notices these things, i personally look at who a girl surrounds herself with, because birds of a feather do flock together, regardless of how much you think you're different from your friends, there's a reason you're friends, and those reasons are your similarities.

If a sheep is part of a flock, it is not exempt from being eaten by the wolves, in other words, you are who you are seen with. sad but true.   

ok, that was a long post and my first one of 2011, i can feel my inner Dr Phil rejoicing inside as i type this. No for real, this is just my opinion on men, i'm one of them, so i should know. I can't give my opinion on women, because i haven't got a clue what you crazy ladies want.

More posts coming soon, i'm just a bit swamped at the moment.

"It's the simple things in life we forget"

as always, Stay Up

(for my new readers, here is why i write "Stay Up" as my sign off)

(guest post) Dear Shopping..I Love You, But I Hate You

life is all about change and growth, and here at idontliketea we're all about the latter and obsess over the former, so for the next week or two, we'll be having a few guest bloggers coming through, their views are strong, their topics varied, their views are independent and individual and that's what we love most, the idisyncrasy of them all (the blogs) so please show some love to the guests of idontliketea. This week we have the lovely PurpleRamblings check out her blog here.

Ahem *Clears throat, stands up* 

I am PurpleRamblings and I am a shopaholic... 

*throws arms up in the air* I LOVE SHOPPING!! 

I LOVE new purchases, fresh from their packaging. Fabulous, gleaming, skyscraper heels with that new shoe smell, perfume squeaking from it's packaging that has to be pumped a multitude of times before it'll release it's fabulous scent, rainbow colours of nail varnish waiting to take their place on the dressing table, trainers bought for visits to a gym that is never visited, coats for all occasions, short and long and padded and tight and cropped and double-breasted and leather and cotton and denim, skirts and shorts and t-shirts and hundreds and thousands of pairs of socks, which are quickly unpaired and thrown into the vat of mismatched sockness with which I like to cocoon myself. That warm, pit of the stomach happiness I experience walking around the house in a new pair of heels is second to none. Having mini-me was cool and that, but it was truly a once in a lifetime experience. The new shoe experience can literally last forever.

I like to buy things, various accoutroumental items that give me that warm "I spent money and got something new that I didn't need" feeling.

The only thing... Is that I HATE GOING TO THE SHOPS!! Absolutely loathe it, from the bottom of my warm fuzzy over shopped heart. Contradictory I know. But hear me out...

The buzz I get from the purchase of goods, cos I know that's exactly what it is, an empty buzzy feeling of fulfillment associated with the purchase of goods, is ruined… By people!

People that are everywhere!

People… Stepping on my toes. People… In front of me when I want to pay. People… In front of me when I want to try things on. People… Taking the last one in my size. People… Hovering over, in front of, behind me when I'm looking at something. People… Bashing my knees with their own empty purchases. People… Just there! Everywhere I turn! RUINING MY SHOPPING! Add to that the fact that they move things from rack to rack, aisle to aisle, so the size you want all though in the store is unlocatable because some thoughtless person has moved it! PEOPLE RUIN SHOPPING FOR ME!! I have on occasion walked past a shop, seen something fabulous in the window and gone in, only to u-turn when I see the ant-like swarms descending on the items. Saturday shopping is something that I NEVER DO and don’t even get me started on such occasions as “January sales” events like this are my kryptonite and will have me running for the hills credit cards in tow.

Contradictory I know considering the scale of the love of shopping, but I’ve found a way round it… Online shopping! The people free equivalent. Where I get to remain in the confines of my boudoir, wine glass in hand, MacBook at the ready to have a leisurely “stroll” through the online archives. No one standing on my toes, no queuing, no bashed knees, just cosy shopping bliss. Where I can be so specific with my search that “red, knee length, backless, sequined, pencil, dress” is easier to find then tinsel at Christmas. And is there anything better then your goods being hand delivered to your door... I think not.

World Wide Web I bow to thee xx

Teyalilly.com

Bonjour people, first post of December, which seems a bit weird considering i had five posts in November. Anywhoo, I'm here today to do a little light infotainment with this post, i'm gonna introduce those who haven't already, to Teyalilly.com

Teyalilly is an online greeting card emporium run by a friend of mine, with the cutest daughter you're ever likely to see, who also happens to be the impetus/personification of Teyalilly. 

Born from the undying desire for more variety, more choice, and a piece of Art commissioned for my friend's daughters bedroom, it evolved into more than just a painting on a wall, it sparked the inspiration for the Teyalilly project.

I've been blessed to witness this metamorphosis of Teyalilly, from when it was but an idea, to seeing the Teyalilly website count down the days until launch, to having a sneak peak at the cards before most people got to see them and lastly watching my friend work her bum off to make this dream happen.

And that right there, i feel, is in a microcosm, a testament not just to Teyalilly but to my friend too. 

I personally love the cards, every single one of them, the design, colours and message on each card is what stands out for me. As we're coming up to probably the busiest time of year for a lot of us, where sometimes we may not have the time to go out and physically buy cards for our loved one's, Teyalilly.com is the place to be in 2010 for all your Christmas card needs. Not forgetting above and beyond 2011.

I know me writing this seems like shameless promotion, and it is, because i believe in this project, i believe in my friend's ability to be self made, in the potential in Teyalilly to be

I try not to promote anything commercial on this blog, no adverts, not pop ups, just pure education/information/entertainment, but i feel my readers deserve to have a Teyalilly Christmas, to have a Teyalilly Valentines, to have  a Teyalilly Birthday, you know what, just to HAVE Teyalilly, because when the bandwagon pulls up outside your front door, i'm gonna be driving it, and i'll be the one saying "i told you so."

So have a gander at the website and follow her on twitter, spoil your loved one's this Holiday Season and give them something they won't get from someone else, a Teyalilly card.

visit www.teyalilly.com

follow: Teyalilly Twitter @TeyaLilly

Stay Up

Silence is Golden?

hello children, seems like the more blogs i read, the more compelled i am to compose a rebuttal, and the more i discover my newly found relationship therapist within.
As i was browsing through the web today a friend of mine, the lovely Hopeful Romantic Retweeted a link to Charlotte's website where she discusses the "silent treatment" that men often give women. I'm reading along and there are a lot of questions and proposed solutions to this phenomena that has been going on in the sticky world of dating for years upon years.

As a man reading this it definitely gave me an insight into the mind of a woman, the other half of the tale, the half that us men never get to see or care about sometimes.
Charlotte's post had a few questions in it, some of which i'll attempt to answer, not because i'm trying to excuse the silent treatment, more so because i've done it, and there isn't a man i know who hasn't, and i feel women don't understand why we do it, not to everyone, but certain women.
What i'm gonna do here is take extracts from her post and put a little reasoning into the man's silence. Here we go.

"After all there’s only so long you can convince yourself that somehow their email, mobile phone and Facebook have simultaneously been destroyed in a freak gas explosion."

First off, the answer is in the statement itself. A man does NOT enjoy being hounded by a woman he does not share blood with/is not his girlfriend, this is the be all and end all of this. Don't flood his means of communication with texts, emails, pokes, tweets, bbm's and the like. It's irritating, it's annoying and most importantly it leads to radio silence and of course the inevitable "it's this chick again" statement to his boys about you, yes you, "that chick."  But you really get on and he's such a nice guy and you've told all your friends about him? Yep, the same guy, he's ignoring you now because you're demonstrating some very odd behaviour for someone we've been on what, 3 dates with, i know to some of you ladies this is around the time you start thinking ahead and could he be your man? But trust me, if you haven't met his best friend, he hasn't even considered it yet, wait for the best friend.

The more she got ignored, the more she started doubting the tone of her texts. The more paranoid she got about the texts, the more she tried to put it right by reasoning to the good nature he surely had - with another text…

Ladies, there is such a thing as cutting your losses. If a man, who seemed to like you one day, but pretends like he's lost the ability to communicate the next, does not respond to any of your calls/txts/emails, write it off, chalk him up as one in the loss column and keep it moving. Trust me on this, you need to just let it go, because believe me , he already has. I know it's not ideal, especially when you think you've found someone who you fancy the Levi's off of, but if he's ignoring you when it's something pretty important (Read Charlottes blog) then is he really worth all those tears and all that wine?? 

If you read the post in it's entirety the woman in question called him out on something that changed dramatically in his life the day after they had a perfect evening together, why would he do this? Let me explain in one short, blunt sentence, he's found someone better...WAIT...just wait, before i start getting hate mail, he's found someone better for him, not necessarily better than you, just better for him. Make sense?

"I was gutted. He clearly didn’t want to talk about his feelings and I couldn’t force him BUT..."

Nope, sorry, ladies, there is no "but" just let him go, trying to get a man to explore and even worse communicate his feelings about you is something that you cannot force and that he will not succumb to until he is ready. Don't bother trying to decipher every conversation we've ever had with you, if you said something wrong, if you upset him or if the food you made for him wasn't good enough. This time, if it's feelings we're talking about, and strictly feelings, this is the point where he'll say "its not you, it's me" and as cheesy and textbook as that sounds, it's in all likelihood true. Remember in my last post where i said men are simple, this is where it applies, sometimes it's just that plain, we can't express our feelings to or about you, so we'd rather not, and stupidly we think that silence and ignoring the problem that it(you) will go away, hence, the silent treatment. Don't torture yourself over him and try to make his reasoning complex or wrap it in complication, it's not.

The silent treatment is a selfish method of dealing with a situation which ironically we can't deal with. There are a variety of reasons, but in my opinion, the main three are as follows:

1) it's you, you've become too clingy too soon, and it's a little distressing to be honest, and his last psycho girlfriend nearly killed him ( a brutha still gets flashbacks)

2) he wanted one thing from you, he got it, now he's found someone to be with and it's not you. (harsh but true)

3) its actually him, whether he has insecurities, commitment or communication issues, they're not going anywhere, anytime soon, cut your losses, he wasn't worth it at the end of the day.

And that, as they say, is mt two pence worth, hope you enjoyed. Fellas, if you've ever given a girl the silent treatment, why? Ladies if you've ever received the silent treatment, did you find out why or do you not care?

holla at ya boy

regardless of circumstance, remember to always......Stay Up.

What Men Want

Yup, i'm about to go there, we've all heard about what women want, we've all watched "What Women Want" and if you haven't, fellas, you need to. I was reading Brothers With No Game and it got me thinking about what MEN want, out of a woman, a potential partner to be. Having spoken with  few good men, we came up with some things we think have become universal prerequisites for Mrs Right, not Mrs Right Now.

Here we go.....

Looks
Yup, that's the first thing we as men see, we don't know about you, your job, your family, or your daddy issuesinsecurities, all we see is your beauty. As shallow as it sounds i think it's fair to say that there isn't a single man on this Earth who crossed a crowded room to go and speak to an ugly stranger. I know that's hard to take for some people, but let's be real about this, we all do it, man or woman, i just think maybe men focus more on aesthetics because of our egos. We want to walk down the street with a woman that OTHER women look at and think, "damn."

Demeanour
More commonly known these days as "swagger." How does she carry herself around company, is she the quiet type who sits back and observes and speaks when necessary? Is she the bold, intelligent one, the funny one with all the jokes but seemingly the smartest of her crew too?
Believe it or not, men take this into account once we've now established you fit the above criteria. We'll observe you mannerisms, your dress sense, (slutty or sexy, slutty is no bueno.) the way you speak, how you walk, how you deal with other guys who approach you with their Gung ho attitude. Believe me, the smart men analyse all of these things, how you conduct yourself is certainly in the Top 5 things when we're considering a potential.

Attitude
As they say, "your attitude determines your altitude" and this is never more true than when we first speak to you. We've gone through our first two steps and plucked up the courage to come and speak to you, so the next 30-45 seconds will tell us whether you're wifey or trifey. I have spoken to many a woman and within the first minute of speaking to her, i've already made up my mind if this is worth pursuing for one of two reasons. Is she worth getting to know on a deeper emotional, intellectual level, or is she worth me chatting up and taking her home, never to speak to her again after tonight? This is how we think, we're men, it's not complicated, it's one or the other, we're not trying to change you or mould you into what we want you to be, we just want what we see, and if that's a potential girlfriend, or just a potential orgasm, we'll find out based on your....attitude.

Nurture
Hey, congratulations, you made it past the first 3 steps, but what more do we want, surely there can't be more? Au contraite mon frere, we have a few more questions: Do you care? Simple question, diverse answer. Are you a carer? Do you look after those around you? can you cook well, because that's the easiest way to a man's heart, you skills in the kitchen and the home. As medieval as that may sound, we all want a woman who we know can rustle up a meal out of nothing, who you can come home to from Sunday League, battered and bruised and know she'll want to, not have to, take care of your injuries for you.. It's more than the fact you can cook or clean, it's the fact that you're a provider, as women look for a man who is stable financially and has the building blocks to erect a house, we look for a woman who can make that house a home.

Heart
This one, for me personally, surpasses all before it. Passion. I look for the passion in you, the drive and ambition to go against the grain, to be who you want to be, not who others think you should be. A severe lesson i learned this year is that Passion trumps Reason, and contrary to popular belief, let Passion guide you, don't allow reason to blind you. Men want passion from the Woman we seek, we don't want Reason, with all of it's explanations and definitions and logic, that's what we're here for. As nature goes, we're the one's who take things at face value, so we gotta have you with all of your passion and emotion to balance that out for us.
I'd rather live with Passions Pride than Reasons Regret.

These are only five things that me and a small group of men think are absolute when scouring the Earth for the woman we want to end up with. It's no perfect, it's not the blueprint to how all women are, far from it, it's simply what men want....Part 1.

So ladies and gents, what do you think, have i gone too deep on this, what is your criteria, do you agree with the above, if not, why not? Holla at ya boy.

Stay Up
(Part 2 coming Winter 2010 - sex, respect, support, "me time" and your friends.)

Hometown Glory

In My City is a poem i wrote on  my blackberry one morning on the way to work, i love this town, the people, the traffic, the crowds, yes, even the weather. For anyone who lives here, there is a sense of ownerhip, that even though we live 16million deep, sometimes it feels like it's just you, floating through the metropolis of concrete.

In My City

in my city, the people rise before the sun,

the sun rises before the moon is out,

like a child, running into the living room on noel night,

just knowing he got his first bike.
 
in my city, there are fiends and farmers, prostitutes and priests,
all riding on the same bus,
in my city, they are all different, but to outsiders,
refer to eachother, as us,

like in my city, no-one can come through,
and not recognise the true talent, of that homeless girl in victoria park
with the crazy hair do.

in my city, we drive around like maniacs,

forced to have disdain for anyone else with the nerve to get in our way.
in my city, there is no colour,

like a mish mash of crayons, which you left in the sun,

they have no name on.
 
in my city, i see little girls walk around with no respect of self
in my city, i see them perpetuate the stereotype,
that all black boys will end up in a cell
in my city, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, 
in my city, there is no line between who is not, and who is normal.
 
in my city, there is nothing you cannot find,

from the side streets of shoreditch,

to the wide streets of camden,

in my city, every building has my name on.
 
in my city, we have drug dens and crackhouses,

a fiend walks out, not knowing where her blouse is.
 
in my city we have heavens gates, golden arches and river dates, 
in my city, the food is just great, will transport you to another world,

where children sleep in boxes and crates.
 
in my city immigrants are a dime a dozen,

we walk around oblivious to the fact, the most of us, are one of them.

in my city racism is flourescent,

like cum stains on white sheets, ever present

something you will not see if you do not look for it,

but if the right light is shone on it

it never ends, like the sound of deaths feet.
 
in my city, we have hostels and palaces,

we live in ignorance, not knowing what the business is.
in my city, i will live in joy and in sorrow,

because in my city there is no day like this, not even the morrow.
 
in my city, out of one, comes many people,

like the most high point on a church, the steeple.
 
this great city, i will love, protect and honour,

sometimes even pity, for this.......is my city. 

"by seeing London, i have seen as much of life as the world can show"

Samuel L. Jackson

Stay Up

Enough Is Enough

Every now and then the women on my social networks and in my personal life get a bout of man hating in their system. I don't know what it is, but it seems to come from a place of such anger and distaste that it became the impetus to an ambitious twenty-something male who's absolutely had it up to here *raises hand above head* with this new found disdain for ALL men, yea i said it, ALL men, apparently fellas, "all men ain't shit".

Oh, you know not of which i speak? Well allow me to retort.
These are but some of the things i've read/had said to me about my gender as a holistic entity

"anyone with a penis...I FU**ING HATE YOU"
"you men make me sick, all of you are cheating bu***rds"
"why are men such ar****les"
"yea, well f**k you and f**k Call Of Duty"

Now, these are but a quick snapshot of a whole list of things i have been reading on my twitter of late, i don't have all day, so i've listed my favourites.
The treatment of men as if we are all guilty of the same crime, the minority has now become the majority according to these bitter women.
Allow me to remind those with short term memory loss about "us men" which you hate so vehemently.

Us men who make you feel so unashamedly happy and smug when you know that the way he makes you feel has no equal.
Us men who you will speak non-stop about to anyone or anything within a 20meter radius of your mouth
Us men whom, for all intents and purposes are the one's you define with an entire r&b album
Us men who through being who we truly are, are what you look for in your future, someone who'll wholeheartedly bend over backwards for you when you need us to be there for you, even if we know it's been snowing for a week and there's the steepest hill where you live, will be there.
Us men who, come rain sleet, hail or the aforementioned snow, will do anything to make you forget that bitch from Finance and do our utmost to make you smile.

But that's just us men, the dogs we are, the selfish heartless bustards, just waiting to get a leg over you and every other oxygen breathing female out there.

Let me tell ya'll who hate us so much, if you don't like us, lump us, dump us or become a lesbian, because believe me, misery loves company, and misery seems to be a female and her friends these days.

Maybe, just maybe, you should take a good, long, hard look in that invention you love so much, the mirror, because maybe all men ain't shit, maybe the men that YOU attract ain't shit.

But hey, You Go Girl, and keep on going, past Bitter Avenue, take a left on Lonely Boulevard and stop when you get to a town called Single And Alone, population...one

Yes, we're not perfect, but we're a damn sight more than you give us credit for.

I hope you're enjoying painting all men with your Sunshine Anderson brush.

hate it or love it, these are my words, and i'm not taking a single one of them back.

rant over.


Stay Up
(and yes i realise the irony of having a Maya Angelou quote at the top, but i know she'd have my back on this one)

Maybe Baby pt 2

So moving on from "Maybe Baby" and what seems like a lifetime's worth of the most complicated/confusing bullshit i've ever had to endure, last night i decided to write, conclude and bury the life of a maybe baby, Maybe Baby Pt. 2.

I wanted to write this as a reminder to myself and to anyone else who has been teetering on the edge with anyone of the opposite sex, that we are too good for maybe's, if someone wants to be with you, they will, if they don't, to hell with them, move on, learn your lessons, and live your life in the knowledge and satisfaction that you'll never have to wonder "what if"...they do.

hope you enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it.


i knew it was coming, you maybe babies are all the same

not in your action, but the life you proclaim

silly me and my optimistic bullshit

never again, not even just a little bit.

i've been there and done it, 

but still managed to allow you to to repeat it

the same thing as before

why, i have no clue, maybe it was your allure.

tomorrow i'll wake up

and it will still be the same

no change, you'll be a different girl with the same name.

shoulda listened to my mind

"disappointment is all you're gonna find"

"remember the last one,

was that fun? 

stop, look, listen, she's not here..

not for the long run, you hear?"

"mike, they're always the same,

maybe babies never change."

like the sun at noon

or the moon at night

don't bother trying, it's not worth the fight.

so i packed my mental shit
threw it in the garbage pit, set fire to it, even added lighter fluid

coz all that baggage you transmit

is sticking to me like a priest in the pulpit

say your goodbyes now, 

coz when i leave, i won't answer anymore questions,

no more, when's, why's or how's

and so, been there, done it, gotta look back and laugh

fuck i bought the t-shirt, even got the jeans, the hoody and the scarf

this time, the hurt outweighs cloud nine.
live your life, without you, is how i'll live mine.

maybe babies are all the same

maybe babies, never again.

Stay Up