So Long, Farewell

Two years ago i started writing this blog, actually, a little more than two years ago now, and from my very first post up until my last post, it's been nothing but 100% me.

I'm at a point in my life now where i feel i need to start making some massive changes in my life, a wise man once said

"you have to be the change you want to see in the world"

well a wise man's speech writer, but you get what i mean.

Over the last two years or so, you guys have shared my joy and my pain, me finding love and me losing love, the subsequent heartbroken posts were a dark time for me too, but you guys rode out the storm with me. Thank You.

I've written material for the guys, and material for the girls, something for my mum and something for my sisters, an ode to the unknown and an ode to maybe baby's, and through it all you guys were ride or die.

Thank You

I'd like to take this time to also thank the people who read this blog, anyone who ever clicked on a facebook link or a tweet or randomly found themselves here via Google, i appreciate each and every one of you for taking the time to read the thoughts of a young man tryna find his way.

i'd like to name names but i don't think that would be fair, but if you're associated with me in any way where you've independently visited my blog, i wanna say thank you to you too.

So i'm packing my digital pen and my digital bags, and bidding farewell to Idontliketea2, it's been fun, i've enjoyed each and every minute i've spent writing this blog, goodbye and good luck.

Remember to always, no matter how hard the rain falls, to Stay Up

My name is Michael Fisher and it has been a pleasure.

I Ain't Mad at Ya

here's looking at YOU

2010 huh, that's it, done and done, i'm gonna list some things i learned this year and also some confessions, if you read these and think it relates to or is about you, it probably does and is, this isn't a cryptic puzzle. Here goes.

NEVER, under any circumstances chase a man or woman who says "i don't know", you know what, it's not worth it, just tell him/her to fuck off and live your life as before, you'll be a happier man/woman for it.

She's a liar, She's selfish, She's disloyal, She's not who you thought she was.

Sometimes your ex is better than the next, by a fucking country mile.

Men are stupid stupid creatures, don't think we are unaware of this.

I have been drinking way too much in the second half of this year.

I'm stronger than i was in 2009

I have five real friends, the rest are just people i know.

I don't care about many people's feelings, i'm selfish.

There are a lot of people out there too scared to be alone, so they settle for less than they're worth.

Some people couldn't see a priest on a mountain of salt.

She likes bad boys, sadly i'll never be one of them, so her and I will never be. (silently, i wait in anticipation that this changes)

2 women this year have made a difference in my life. One i'll always love, the other can kiss my ass.

your age does not determine your maturity, i now know for certain one 27 year old is a child.

I promised a mother to always keep her daughter smiling.

your attitude determines your altitude

i don't miss university.

i have a SPECIAL sense of humour and maybe one person in the entire world completely gets it.

everyone is an attention seeker in some respect, including me...even The Pope..yes i said it.

Life is on a knife edge, and it could be over before you know it, one wrong turn on your Sat-Nav and the next thing you'll see is another cars headlights by your face, live how you want to, not how everyone else thinks you should, tomorrow isn't promised.

i'd rather be alone than be undervalued.

Don't get mad at me, this is just what i've noticed about myself and those around me this year, in 365.25 days. I had my own trials this year, some changed my life forever, some changed other peoples lives forever, but isn't that what we're here for, to change, to evolve, to be better and do better than we're doing right now? Don't get mad at me, i ain't mad at you.

"good, better, best. 
Never let it rest. 
Until you're good is better 
and your better is best."

ladies and gentlemen, for the last time in twenty-ten...

Stay Up

(it's now June and i wrote this in December, why have i only just put this up??)

Better Than Good Enough

So i'm flicking through web-pages almost on auto-pilot, because i'm now sitting in my office bored outta my mind on a Friday night ( why am i still here?) and i'm reading my twitter timeline and @PurpleRamblings RT'd a link to http://www.christianarants.com/ and her post on "why we shouldn't overlook nice guys" from a woman's perspective of course.

As i'm reading through it, i'm nodding along in agreement "yup, that's true" "uh huh, you tell them girl" and i'm starting to notice my penis disappear that i know A LOT of women who display this behaviour for a variety of reasons explained on Christiana's blog.

Now what i started thinking of is the predicament some guys me are faced with sometimes in life, the nice guy, but the nice guy who knows all about the game, who know's the rules, who's broken the rules and who's set his own rules, is to not always be the one who get's chosen but who ends up being that dude who she'll refer to as "the one that got away"

And so, an epiphany, i noticed something about the game too and please correct me if i'm wrong here, women who are faced with that dude who's everything she's ever wanted, and is seemingly the perfect balance between Mr Nice and Mr Not So Nice do not know what to do with themselves when this dude walks into their lives.

And i'll break it down into a basic observation i've made.

1) she's not too sure what to expect from him, because, like Russian Roulette, this dude could go off at any moment.

2) he makes her feel almost weightless by the way he treats her, looks at her, kisses her, and she doesn't understand or welcome the feeling of not being in control of her emotions.

3) like all of us, when dealing with the unknown, she'll retreat, because "it's too good to be true"

Now is this the fault of Mr Balance that he's expanded his portfolio and thus become a man who struck the perfect, well, balance?

I wanna leave you with a question, more-so for the ladies, but fellas you can answer too. Are we as men doomed to be one or the other, and not six of one and half a dozen of the other?

Poem "Used To Be"

(One of a few new posts, a quick poem i wrote a long time ago after a bullshit situation i shoulda never got myself into, hope you enjoy)

Every now and then I get the feeling

seeing you again might be appealing. 

Then I realise I'm trippin,

Must be all this rum I'm sippin. 

Whether you were my wifey or my trifey.

I locked you off, rightly...so
Babygirl, you jus had to go.

Don't get caught up on this male

What I sell, isn't for sale

My one feeling...to buy, you failed. 

Coz my store is closed for refurbishment. 

The previous owner was a case of abandonment. 

Metal shutters are up, old mail piles up. 

Fuck all that, there is NO rewind, button. 

Free spirit now, you can't tell me nothin' 

Childish comments you can make,

even seems like you're half baked,  

Living in your life like a movie.

c'mon sweety, if i'd let you, again, you'd do me.

There is not cut and action

Just decisions and reactions

Apparently you can sell fire in hell.

Water to a well

Stop biting jay-z

You couldn't sell freedom in a cell.

Come at me with that dumb shit,

Please believe I don't give a shit 

Your feelings wrists I WILL slit 

Welcome to the part of me I keep in a gravel pit. 

Delete my number, my facebook and my twitter.

No one likes to see someone online and bitter.

i realise the irony in what i just said, 

like you realise the iron in you,

from giving me head.

Accept the fact you aren't for me, 

You'll never be a product of this satisfactory factory.

there is no time to make a bragain and plea

you just blew the once chance i gave you, with me.

Stay Up

Winning

So, i've been away from here for a while, who knows why, i always say i'ma be blogging more, or more often, but then this thing called life gets in the way and fucks up my rotation, apologies for that.

Today i'ma speak on couple of things, so just stick with me on this one.

I've been thinking more and more about this Charlie Sheen circus that the media seems to be feasting off of.

But, the more i watch it, and the more i see his interviews, the more i think to myself "what's the big deal, just let the man live." And then i had my moment of clarity while reading comments on youtube about his behaviour in the interview, and this moment of enlightenment kinda related to something i read once:

"if you don't accept their money, they can't tell you what to do"

Now obviously this does refer to money as an actual, tangible thing, that if someone gives you, they feel this power or this "right" that because they've given you something financially valuable, they can tell you where to go, what time to be there and what the consequences are if you don't go.

But then i started thinking about the broader meaning of the quote, like if someone you know gives you something, something that helps you in your life, they then start to behave as if you now owe them something, and if you cannot pay them back in some sort of way then you should do with that thing what they say you should, and i have two words for this kind of thing "fuck that"

As someone who's had a job since he was old enough to have one, having my own things and spending my money the way i want to has always been something i've taken pride in. Of course my job telling me what to do AT work is fine, but i'll be damned if an individual person who doesn't put food on my table can tell me what to do with my life.

Going back to Charlie Sheen real quick, the reason i think what he's doing isn't as bad as the Picasso's in the media would have you think, is because the man isn't doing what CBS wants him to do, he's saying "fuck you, fuck your show, fuck your money, how i live has nothing to do with you, i get shit done at work, the moment i walk out of those doors, you are no longer in control" and i totally agree with that, i understand what it feels like to be almost imprisoned or trapped by your employer, where because you rely on their money to live, you allow them to take the absolute piss out of your life....until you decide you've had enough, sadly CBS seems to think Charlie hasn't had enough and he still owe's them.

Dave Chappelle walked away from his show, from $50million, from the fame, from the control which Comedy Central wanted to have over him, and he personifies that quote up there, but yet, people still think he has the problem, watch this video and this video and tell me who has the bigger problem, Dave, or the people who think he's insane.

We all have a choice, to be who we want to be, not what someone paying us wants us to be, the only difference is some people have the courage to choose themselves over their bank balance, to choose their life over colouring within the lines society has indoctrinated in us since childhood.

I'm not tryna tell anyone reading this to quit their job and go and live in a hut in the forest, because i understand we all have responsibilities, all i'm saying is try to maintain your life and the power to live it your way. Do what you do, love what you do, as long as you do you.

"i always get in trouble for being honest"

- Charlie Sheen

There Are No Refunds

Howdy peeps, been a while huh? hope this finds you all in a good place.

OK, so i know it's been a month since my last blog post, but i've been pretty busy, but now i've finally got some time off work and time to write again.

So the other day, i'm having a group discussion with some good people, about a situation that has become more than it should have ever been.

We're all sitting there giving reasons and explanations to why it has transpired this way, why there has been the ultimate sin commited between humans, miscommunication. Throughout the convo, i'm sitting there and listening, absorbing, soaking in all the opinions in the room, because all of the opinions were respected and appreciated.

Then i started thinking about myself, my actions, my re-actions, to things that have arisen, and it hit me, in life there are no refunds, no receipts, no return policies for the decisions we make. And that's where i've realised how accepting i am of that and how other people choose to ignore and disregard that big ass red sign behind the "life decisions" counter that says "NO REFUNDS"

There was a time when i'd torture myself over the thing's i'd said or done, where i'd always want to undo and take back what i said, but then as i've become more self aware and self secure i've realised, that i will never take anything i say or do back, if it is something i meant or something i felt in that moment and it was honest, then please believe i'm not taking anything back to that Life Decisions counter.

I understand that it can be cold, it can be insensitive, and for that i am occasionally apologetic, but to apologise for my actions and for my words is to apologise for me being me and i'll be damned if i ever have to do so for the sake of other people who haven't read the terms and conditions attached to being an adult.

Here's what i'm getting at: In this life or the next, we will all substantiate that what other people feel, or say has NOTHING to do with what we feel or say about us. You know what i mean?

We can all sit there and play the blame game, but don't point the finger at the truth, the truth didn't ask to be blamed, it didn't ask to be made the scapegoat, and the reason it doesn't ask for these things is because the truth knows, that those pointing fingers at it already have three fingers pointing right back at them.

This moment of clarity came directly from that conversation, directly from a situation that has spawned into a beanstalk seemingly overnight, my name is not Jack, and i don't plant magic beans, I'm not responsible for what other people say or do, i am responsible for me, and i will defend my actions 'til the death, because i've stayed true, make sure you do too.

"If you don't like my words, don't listen. 

If you don't like my appearance, don't look. 

If you don't like my actions, turn your head; 

It's as simple as that"

Stay Up

Thank You Please

Ok, so the other day i'm having a BB convo with a friend of mine, and she's telling me about this client she's working with, who's manners, or lack there of, are appalling. 

This got me thinking about our society, our culture, our sub-cultures even, the little microcosms within our lives that represent, what to us, is the majority. How do we treat one another and how much we've lost along the way?

As always i speak from my own experiences, so what i'm about to write represents me, and what MY ideal of respect and manners should be, so take from this blog post what you will.

Growing up with two sisters (one older, one younger) respect was always a priority in my household, growing up in Africa, a "please" and a "thank you" were already expected of you, of your family and of anyone you met in your daily life, it was so deeply routed in my culture, that anything contrary to that was alien to me.

Then i moved to the UK, and it was literally like visiting a new planet, where the natives spoke the same language as me, but seemingly, didn't understand how to communicate that language accordingly, respect and manners were lacking.

What has crept into our society though, is the slow, terminal, avoidable, illness that chivalry has contracted over time. Almost like a smoker who thinks they'll never get lung cancer, coz "that just won't happen to me". 

When did it become okay for guys to speak to girls the way they do? I see young teens now, and they say "oi lighty*, what you sayin" and it's like, is this the representation of manhood that our young teenage girls have to look forward to? whatever happened to "excuse me, my name is......and i noticed you and thought i'd come and introduce myself" instead of "so can man get your bb pin then?"

Let me break it down for those of you hard of understanding. The treatment you receive from others, is only given to you because you accept it, have a standard, and if a guy, or a girl, does not meet your criteria or that standard, then they are not worthy of your attention, simple. 

And if you allow them to call you "oi" or "lighty" then as someone once told me, "if you do not listen, you must feel" is what will happen, and that you will.

So you can take that to the bank and tell them Mike sent you.

Another thing, when did it become ok for girls to speak to their mothers the way they do? I cannot envision a scenario when raising my voice above my mother's will/has occured, when (even if i'm right) i will disrespect her, whether privately or publicly, because i know, she will not stand for it, ever. Like i mentioned in the previous paragraph, she has a standard, and i am expected for the rest of my mortal life, to maintain that standard, not only towards her, but to every woman i meet. I open doors for women, i say please and thank you for every and anything i ask for, or receive, i will offer to carry a woman's shopping bags for her, whilst also understanding the independence a woman has, but regardless of who she is, reverence and respect will be given, no question about it, and sadly, these things are foreign to guys who are only 5 years younger than me. Has our generation lost that much in the time it takes for a rapper to be famous and then not so famous anymore....hi Ja Rule.

Ok seriously.....what i'm getting at is this...being polite and respectful to anyone, especially strangers, goes a long, long way. Regardless of who they are or where they come from, it is always nice to be nice, because you never know, that man or that woman you're speaking to may change the course of your life. Whenever we meet someone new, on a personal level, our paths have crossed for a certain reason and if it so happens that that reason results in love or hate, in the end, what you will have left is pride, that we maintained our standards, and a lesson learned.

I understand i'm not perfect and sometimes i falter at some of the things i just wrote, but i try, and will continue to do so until i don't have to write a blog about it anymore.

"It is more important to be righteous, than be right" - Lauryn Noel Hill

so what do y'all think, where did we lose our way? Have we lost our way? What are your prerequisites for others and the way they speak to or treat you?

Stay Up